Conversations feel faster and more polarized than ever. We’re quick to react, quick to respond, and often slower to really understand. In moments like these, pausing can feel almost counter-cultural.
It’s a point we explore in our Volunteer Liaison Training for Association Staff, where we emphasize intentional listening. I didn’t set out to learn more about pausing, yet I stumbled onto it when I ran into a reflection on the importance of the pause in conversation. It challenged me enough so I started trying it out myself.
What surprised me was how powerful these small pauses can be. How much they can shift tone, lower tension, and open space for understanding. I can’t find the original source (and I apologize for that), but the practice has been meaningful enough that I want to share it here.
Here are 10 pauses that we can use in our daily conversations.
- Resisting the impulse to speak. Keep your lips together. Listen to understand.
- Shifting to curiosity. Humility learns. Ego knows. Ask yourself, “What might they understand that I don’t?” Challenge your own wisdom.
- Rejecting defensiveness. When appropriate, say, “I was wrong.” No explanation. No defense. Own it.
- Adopting flexibility instead of stubbornness. Say, “I hadn’t thought of it that way.”
- Inviting dissent. After you blurt out a solution, pause and ask, “What are some other solutions that might work?”
- Sharing authority. When you want to take command, ask yourself, “What team member might thrive leading this?”
- Saying, “I’m sorry.” Suppose you jumped in too quickly. Say, “I’m sorry. I jumped in too quickly. What are your thoughts about this?”
- Relinquishing the last word. When someone has a great idea, don’t add anything. Say, “That sounds great. Go do that.”
- Slowing your brain. Take notes while others talk.
- Expressing gratitude. When challenged, say, “Thank you for saying that. What makes this important to you?”
I offer 3 more from AI – discovered when I was madly searching to find the original source. Enjoy!
- Sipping Pause: While having coffee or tea, focus entirely on the smell, warmth, and taste, rather than drinking it while rushing or working.
- Five Senses Pause: Stop to identify one thing you can see, hear, smell, taste, and touch right now to bring yourself into the present moment.
- Outdoor/Nature Pause: Step outside for one minute to feel the air, look at the sky, or walk to your car consciously, observing your surroundings.
In our work in volunteer and community spaces how we listen matters as much as what we say. These pauses create room for trust, learning and shared ownership. As you head into your next conversation, meeting, or moment of disagreement, remember the pause is always available.
Try it now … pause. 🪷
*By Peggy Hoffman, FASAE, CAE
p.s. Upcoming session for our Volunteer Training begins in May! LEARN MORE HERE →